Dale Carnegie’s “Twelve Ways to Persuade”– Empathize, Ask Questions, Listen (VI)

If someone told you to take a hike, what would you do?  Would you turn the other cheek?

Me?  Not a chance … unless I was an actress reading a script!  An eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth — BRING IT ON BABY!

But where does that get me?  Not resolution.  Bridges burned — at the speed of lightening, that’s for sure. 

Searching for a win-win solution?

(4) Principle 4: Begin in a friendly manner

Mr. Straub successfully negotiated his rent with his landlord.  How?  Unlike the other tenants, who complained and criticized, Mr. Straub met his landlord with good will and enthusiasm.  He commented on how the landlord ran the building and would like to stay another year but couldn’t afford it.  The landlord immediately offered to lower the rent.

Problem-solve with the friendly, appreciative, empathetic approach! (Yes, Mr. Carnegie!)

(5) Principle 5: Get the other person to agree

Did Socrates tell people they were wrong?  No, he was wise.  He asked questions where the opponent would have to agree; getting the “Yes” responses.  Respect, empathize, listen, help the other party think and decide. For example, here’s a story of a bank customer who refused to give out certain information when opening his account:

Banker: “The information you chose not to disclose is unnecessary … however, suppose you have money in this bank at your death.  Wouldn’t you like to have the bank transfer it to your next of kin, the person entitled to it according to law?

Customer: “Yes, of course.”

Banker: “Don’t you think it would be a good idea to give us the name of your next of kin so that, in the event of your death, we could carry out your wishes correctly?”

The young man’s attitude softened and changed when he realized that we weren’t asking this information for our sake but for his sake.

Now why didn’t I think of this?! … Because my name isn’t Socrates! (But I’ll sure try asking the right questions.  Thanks Mr. Carnegie!)

(6) Principle 6: Handling complaints — Listen.  Let others do the talking.

The majority who try to persuade talk too much.  Listen.  Let others talk.  Let them tell you a few things.  Make others feel important.  Don’t stir envy.

Henrietta was good at her job but for the first few months, she had no friends.  Why?  She bragged about her accomplishments.  The tables turned when she began listening and let her associates share their accomplishments.  Now, Henrietta listens to others’ joys and mentions her achievements only when asked.

(Smart lady.)

A teenage girl rebelled against her overbearing mother — until the mother stopped talking and began to listen.  The daughter expressed her thoughts, feelings, and her confusion about growing up.  The mother/daughter relationship improved when the mother began to listen.

(I have a preteen son.  I will take your advice to heart, Mr. Carnegie!)

Thoughts?

Tomorrow, we’ll discuss:

1. How to get cooperation
2. A formula that will work wonders for you
3. What everybody wants

Stay tuned!