Good News About Your Strong-Willed Child: My Child Versus the Good Child (1/10)

Which child do you prefer?

• The conforming child — responsible, sensitive to others, cooperative, responsive, respectful, conforms to the rules
• The strong-willed child — fighter, assertive, self-sensitive, demands fairness, disruptive, reactive, disrespectful, feels weak/acts powerful

Is the conforming child always the good child? 

If you challenge a strong-willed child, he will probably oppose you even more.  Strong-willed children are more work to parent, but that doesn’t mean they are bad children.  Their opposition can reveal to us the changes we need to make in parenting. (R. Reynolds)

So what’s a parent to do?  Rule with the iron fist or kill with kindness?

“Neither,” suggests Dr. Reynolds, “Emotionally disengage.  A fight response moves you into a combative encounter.  A flight response moves you to surrender and withdraw.  It’s better to gain emotional neutrality (a neutral tone) than to argue from a gut-level emotional response.”

(Empathize: use “I” messages — I see you’re frustrated, I can relate to your feelings, etc.) 

I tell you, from my adult/at-times-I-wanna-be-12-years-old perspective, this is nothing but a tall order.  But do I have a choice?  I’m the adult.  I have to become the bigger, the better person … I hate growing up … Why does it have to be so hard?!

“Don’t view every resistance by your child as a personal affront.  Resistance doesn’t always have to be classified as rebellion.  Make it an opportunity for dialogue.”  (R. Reynolds)

Yes, sir!