Life is Precious

Precious — great value, cherished, refined (Merriam Webster)

What if you were abused (verbally, physically, and sexually) by your parents — the people closest to you, your support, your mentor — those who should be looking out for your best interests?

Precious – intelligent, courageous, strong, tenacious, priceless

Life – hard, short, painful, rich, precious!

 

It’s Complicated!

Don’t know about you but the the longer I hang around the block, I find myself enjoying the company of complicated people — the so called “screw ups” — the ever so adorable human beings! 

Would you prefer to be around people who are always “doing great” and “so together?”  Not me.  I’m so imperfect; I’d suffocate amongst wanna-be-perfectionists. 

Wanna know my humble opinion? Folks who think and act like they’re so together are really more screwed up than you and me — at least we’re able to admit to and live with our humanity.  “Perfect people” are just in denial — too insecure to face their true selves.  To the goody two-shoes, ”STOP JUDGING.  LIVE A LITTLE!”

If you were divorced, successful, stable career woman about to start a new relationship, and your charming, unreliable, two-timing ex-husband showed up saying “I really want to grow old with you”, would you take him back?

My head would say “NO WAY!”  But my heart?  “Maybe …?  Maybe … someday?”

LIFE — so hilarious, so complicated, so unbelievable! 

It’s Complicated — two thumbs WAY UP!  A must see this holiday season! 

 

Dance Your Way to Success — Love, Respect, Dignity, Teamwork

“If you believe in yourself, you have what it takes to win.  You can get whatever you want . . . Show up and get it.”

“To do anything is hard . . . Even if you find the place to assign blame, problems don’t go away”

“If a woman allows me to lead, she’s trusting me.  More than that, she’s trusting herself.  If your 16-year-old daughter is strong and secure and trust herself, how likely would she let some idiot knock her up?  And if your son learns to touch a girl with respect, how will he treat women throughout his life? . . .”

“So, ladies and gentlemen, this is what I do here.  I teach dance.  WITH DANCE AND ITS SET OF RULES, WE TEACH YOUR KIDS LOVE, RESPECT, TEAMWORK, and DIGNITY; that which would help give them the vision of the future they could have.  THE VISION OF THE FUTURE THEY COULD HAVE.”  (6:30-7:46)

“I’m not interested so much in teaching ballroom dancing techniques. What’s important is the civility that ballroom dancing can bring . . . courtesy, respect, and dignity.”  (Pierre Dulaine, educator, founder, Dulaine Method)

 

America — Struggles and Hopes Inside Foster Care

All a kid needs is one person to hang on to, to listen, to care, to show up consistently.  (Dr. Maureen Brennan, psychiatrist of residential treatment facility)

Imagine … abandonment, sexual abuse, lies, secrets, guilt, shame, drugs, distrust, nightmares.

Imagine … Help!  Hope!  Healing!

In America, more than half a million kids are in foster care.  Once they reach 18 and age out of the system, only two out of ten will make it.  Others will end up homeless, in prison or dead.

We can do better.  We must.  These kids don’t belong to someone else.  These kids belong to all of us.  They are America’s children.  THEY ARE AMERICA.

Thirty Years Apart — Love or Lust?

A bit of both, initially.

Love … defies rules, social norms, “common sense.” 

Tumultuous, transforms, transcends!

Amore! 

Boundaries With Teens — When All Else Fails … (10/10)

A friend once said, “Teens may look and act like they don’t need parents any more but they need you now more than ever.” 

If that’s the case, I’ll be on my toes for the next ten years, trying to (barely) stay one step ahead of my kids.

What are my options when I’m at the end of my rope?

Dr. Townsend imparts his words of wisdom:

1.     Be the Grown Up

• Keep teen’s future in mind – use current circumstances to equip and prepare your teen for adult life in the real world
• Be loving but direct
• Tolerate teen’s anger — As humanly possible, listen, contain your child’s feelings, understand what he is saying, and clarify whether you deserve his anger.
• Don’t get hooked into fights. – “We’re finished talking about this for now.  I’ll bring this up at another time when you’re not so upset.”

2.    Make Connections

• When in doubt, connect with your teen – don’t argue.  Make a connection.

3.    Model Respect and Responsibility

• Deemphasize control — allow your teen to choose and experience consequences.  Allow your child to experience responsibility.
• Normalize “No.” – Say “no” when it’s in the best interest of your teen.  Help your child get used to reality.
• Be soft on preferences and style, and hard on disrespect and selfishness — give your teen room to dress differently but be strict about how he treats you and others.

4.    Seek Help and Support

• HALT — when you’re hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, don’t threaten your teen with consequences.  Wait until you have the support, energy, or the resources you need.
• Plug into safe people (friends and therapists) who understand — call for support and wisdom right before or after the problem occurs.  Relax.  We deserve it!

Can’t do this alone.  I’m all for mutual support!

Life — it’s a journey! 

Boundaries With Teens — Don’t Be A Pushover (5/10)

Parenting teens — disrespect, aggression, argumentative, academic problems, alcohol and drugs — there’s never a dull moment!

Most teens go through the above to a greater or lesser degree; after all, teens test authority, boundaries, and during that process learn who they are and how the world works.

So what’s a parent to do?

Stay proactive, informed, and involved.  That’s what Dr. John Townsend would say.  His additional insights include:

• Model and Empathize — teens feel more secure in managing their own emotions and expressing them as words when they see parents appropriately articulating range of emotions
• Clarify Expectations — the less ability your teen has to self-monitor and self-correct, the more external structure/routine he needs from the outside, until he has internalized that structure for himself.
• Enforce Consequences — consistently implement consequences (which matter to the teen) that fit the “crime.”  After all, that’s how the real-world works; the world of cause and effect (e.g., disrespect resulting in loss of privilege to hang out with friends for one evening).
• Seek Professional Help – professional help and rehabilitation centers remain the final options.

Bottom line, don’t be a pushover.  Adults are not teens’ friends.  Our job and privilege is to “love and help our children live within the parameters of reasonable realities” — yes, equip and empower our kiddos for the challenges of adulthood.

Whew!  Parenting — it’s the hardest, most rewarding job in the world! 

Boundaries With Teens (And People In General) — Don’t Be A Pushover

The other day, my almost 11-year-old son asked me in the car, “When we (he and his brother) are at grandma’s, do you and dad have sex?  If you do, who’s on top and who’s at the bottom?”

Unlike my mother who believed children should be seen, not heard, I’ve tried to keep an open communication with my two boys.  But I was caught off guard — totally — I was NOT prepared for this!

After Erik’s unexpected question, I began wondering if it was time for firm boundaries — such as, “I’d gladly help you answer any questions you have on school work, friendships, relationships, sex, drugs, alcohol, etc., etc.  I’m here to guide and help you in any way I can, BUT my sex life is none of your business.”

Like it or not, my son is heading towards puberty and adolescence.  Might as well embrace reality and enjoy the ride (Do I have a choice?).

As always, “when the student is ready, the teacher appears.” (Confucius)

For the next nine days, I’ll share my findings and learnings from Dr. John Townsend’s Boundaries With Teens — When to Say Yes, How to Say No:

1. Be a Parent with Boundaries
2. Understand the Teenage World
3. Set Boundaries with Your Teen
4. Address (25) Common Problems

Don’t want to do this alone.  Thanks in advance for your input and insights!

Take Care Clinic — Patient-Friendly Health Care Option?

What’s your ideal health care?  Free?  On-demand — 24/7?  State-of-the-art, thorough, professional patient care? 

Where do you go for minor illnesses requiring immediate attention?  Urgent care?  ER? 

How long did you have to wait?  How much did you pay?

CVS and Walgreens’ Take  Care Clinics are now providing walk-in, basic healthcare services — respiratory illness (sinus infections and strep throat), urinary tract infections, rashes and poison ivy, minor injuries and sprains — illnesses not serious enough for emergency rooms but nevertheless, requiring immediate professional attention.

Experienced family nurse practitioners and physician assistants provide the health care you need to get better and stay healthy.  CVS pharmacy will treat minor illness, minor injury, and skin condition for $62.00 (with or without insurance), Walgreens starts at $65.00.  My last trip to the Urgent care was 6 hours long and $75.00 … with insurance!

Next time, I may give Take Care Clinic a try! 

Stay well! 

Dr. Medina’s “Brain Rules” (Summary)

Our minds create our realities.  Our minds’ abilities to process and execute complex, abstract information separate us from the rest of the species in the animal kingdom.

For readers joining us today, feel free to click on the link(s) of your choice:

1. Exercise Boosts Brain Power
2. Care
3. Lifelong Learners Thrive
4. We Cannot Multifocus
5. Repeat to Remember
6. Remember to Repeat
7. Sleep Well.  Think Well. Kudos to Siesta!
8. Get Stress On Your Side
9. Sensory Integration Boosts Learning!
10. Vision Trumps All Other Senses
11. Male Brains and Female Brains Are Different
12. We Are Natural Explorers

Thank you, Dr. Medina, for sharing your insights and research findings on the brain — one of our most important, yet chronically abused and underused organ!