Heart-to-Heart Connection

To inspire and be inspired!

Dale Carnegie’s Three Fundamental Techniques in Handling People (II)

The master of interpersonal-relations had this to say:

  1. Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
  2. Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.
  3. Principle 3: Arouse and fill a need.

Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.  Why?

  • When dealing with people, we’re not dealing with creatures of logic.  We are dealing with creatures of emotion; creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
  • As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation. (Hans Seyle)
  • Wrongdoers blame everybody but themselves.  The person we’re going to condemn and correct will probably justify him or herself, and condemn us in return.

(Ouch!  I hope I haven’t made more enemies than I already know … oh well, live and learn.  There’s always a fine line between kissing up and standing up for what one believes.  Oh no!!  Is my fragile ego getting defensive?!)

Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.

  • The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.
  • Ways to bring out the best in people are appreciation and encouragement.  Criticisms from superiors kill employees’ ambitions.  I never criticize anyone.  I lavish them with approval and praise.  (Charles Schwab)
  • The difference between appreciation and flattery?  One is sincere; the other, insincere.  One comes from the heart out; the other, from the teeth out.  One is selfish; the other, unselfish.  One is universally admired; the other, universally condemned.
  • Try leaving a friendly trail and little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips.  You’ll be surprised how they will set small flames of friendship that will become rose beacons in your life!

(Yes, flattery is not a way to gain friendship.  Even I can smell the B.S. a mile away!)

Principle 3: Arouse and fill a need.

  • The world is full of self-seeking manipulators.  Service-oriented individuals are rare and have an enormous advantage — little competition.  “People who can put themselves in others’ shoes, who can understand the working of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them” (Owen D. Young — a prominent corporate lawyer)
  • Strive for a win-win situation.  Each party should gain from the opportunity.

(Arouse and fill a need — I can’t think of a good example so I’ll share Dale Carnegie’s.)

Andrew Carnegie’s sister-in-law was worried sick over her two sons at Yale.  The boys simply neglected to write home.  Andrew Carnegie wrote his nephews a chatty letter, mentioning casually in a postscript that he was sending each one a five-dollar bill.  Obviously, he didn’t enclose the bill …

Guess what?!  Back came letters thanking “Dear Uncle Andrew” for his kind note and … You can finish the rest.

(Arouse and fill the need — delayed gratification, of course!  Appreciation is much greater!)

In a nutshell, successful relationship comprise:

  • Acceptance
  • Honesty and sincerity
  • Appreciation and encouragement
  • Find and fill the need


The next two days, we’ll think about Six Ways to Make People Like You

(Honestly, I have a problem with this title because no one can MAKE another human being do anything willingly.  People like you because they want to, not because they have to).

I don’t know about you, but there’s so much to digest, my head and heart are about to explode!

“The great aim of education is not knowledge but action.” (Herbert Spencer)

Mr. Spencer, you are SO RIGHT ON!

Thoughts? 🙂

July 6, 2009 - Posted by | Attitude, Book Review, Business, Change, Christianity, Collaboration, Compassion, Education, Freedom, Gratitude, Heart, Introspection, Leadership, Love, Marketing, Marriage, Mind, Passion, Peace, Politics, Purpose, Self Help, Success | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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