Heart-to-Heart Connection

To inspire and be inspired!

Dale Carnegie’s “Twelve Ways to Persuade” — Blow Off Steam or Problem-Solve? (V)

After 43-years on this planet, I’ve learned — often the hard way — that the lessons I choose not to learn will reoccur until I do.  SO … no more blame games.

Stop growing and die or change and thrive!  I choose the latter!

Do you simply want to blow off steam or do you want to problem-solve?

If you answered, “Problem Solve,” read on.

Dale Carnegie shares his expertise on the art of persuasion — twelve in all.  (You’ll have to bear with me.  Don’t care to experience information overload.  I’ll share three insights per day):

  1. You can’t win an argument — avoid it.
  2. Don’t make enemies.  Show respect for other person’s opinions.  Never say, “You’re wrong.”
  3. If you’re wrong, admit it.

(1)  You can’t win an argument — avoid it. (Mr. Carnegie, had I only read your book sooner!  But then, perhaps I wasn’t ready until I fell on my face a few dozen times and realized, “What I’m doing isn’t working.  I have to change.”)

You can’t win an argument.  You lose it, you lose it; if you win it, you lose it.  Why?  If you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove him wrong, you’ll feel fine but you’ve made him feel inferior.  You’ve hurt his pride.  He’ll resent your triumph.  And … a man convinced against his will is a same man still.  Avoid the argument, change the subject, and give him appreciation.

(Right, Mr. Carnegie.  Especially politics and religion — they’re off limits — unless individuals share similar views.)

(2)  Don’t make enemies.  Show respect for other person’s opinions.  Never say, “You’re wrong.”

(So true.  Who wants to be told they’re wrong? — Especially those higher ups on the corporate ladder.  If you work for a humble, knowledgeable, caring boss — leader of leaders with a great big heart, let us know.  It’s always eye-opening to learn about the lives of inspirational role models!)

We sometimes find ourselves changing our minds without any resistance or heavy emotion, but if we’re told we’re wrong, we resent the comment and harden our hearts. Obviously, it’s not the ideas themselves that are dear to us, but our self-esteem which is threatened.

(So then, Mr. Carnegie, how do we promote change?  Response … “Let others believe it’s their idea.” Hmm … can’t wait to learn more.  Details to come in the next few days.)

(3)  If you’re wrong, admit it. If we know we’re going to be rebuked, isn’t it far better to beat the other person to it and do it ourselves?  Isn’t it much easier to listen to self-criticism than to bear condemnation from alien lips — say them before others have a chance.  More likely than not, a generous, forgiving attitude will be taken and your mistakes will be minimized.

(I once saw this in action … I gave the woman a silent standing ovation! …  A dedicated Sunday School teacher was late on church’s cleaning day.  The pastor’s “perfect” wife was ready to chew her out.  The teacher calmly walked in and said, “I’m so incredibly disorganized and so out of it.  I just couldn’t get my four little ones out the door in time.  I’m SO ashamed.”  … The teacher took the wind right out of the “perfect” pastor’s wife.  Wise woman — YOU GO GIRL!)

  1. You can’t win an argument — avoid it.
  2. Don’t make enemies.  Show respect for other person’s opinions.  Never say, “You’re wrong.”
  3. If you’re wrong, admit it.

The distance between the head and the heart is one foot AND eternity. (Unknown)

Couldn’t agree more!  Love my head-knowledge to drop down a foot and become heart-knowledge.  It’ll happen … someday!

Wish me luck!

Thoughts? 🙂

July 11, 2009 - Posted by | Attitude, Book Review, Business, Change, Collaboration, Compassion, Education, Finance, Freedom, Gratitude, Health and Wellness, Heart, Introspection, Leadership, Love, Marketing, Marriage, Mind, Peace, Politics, Purpose, Self Help, Soul, Spirit, Spirituality, Success | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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