Dale Carnegie’s “Nine Ways to Change People Without Arousing Resentment” (IX)
Bottom line, we humans are emotional (illogical) creatures. Rub people the wrong way, we can be right — dead right. I’d much rather smell the roses, not the coffin. How about you?
So how do we navigate life?
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation
- Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing others
- Ask questions; avoid giving orders
- Save face
Principle 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation
It’s always easier to listen to unpleasant comments after we’ve heard some praise and good points (like the dentist who uses Novocain prior to drilling teeth)
A manager of a credit union informed her supervisor regarding her new hire’s sub par ability to balance the books.
After the office closed, the branch manager, who had been taking Dale Carnegie’s course, went over to talk to the employee. Understandably, she was nervous and upset.
The branch manager praised the employee for her professional and friendly manner with the customers and complimented her accuracy and speed during that work.
The branch manager then reviewed the closing procedure. Once the employee knew her top manager’s confidence in her, she easily followed the suggestions and quickly mastered the functions.
Principle 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
Charles Schwab was passing through one of his steel mills when he came across his employees smoking in the “No Smoking” area. Schwab walked over to the men, handed each one a cigar and said, “I’ll appreciate it, boys, if you’ll smoke these outside.”
(SAVVY! I WOULD LOVE to shadow Mr. Schwab. I’ll learn more from him in one day than I ever will on my own in a lifetime!)
Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing others
(Absolutely! Bitter pills are much easier to swallow with a dose of empathy. People are MUCH MORE CONVINCING when they share their experience in the trenches as well as their triumphs. “I understand. I’ve been there.” —Voila! Instant bond, listening ears, respect!)
Principle 4: Ask questions instead of giving orders. Promote participant’s buy-in.
Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; questions often stimulate the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had some input in the decision.
(True. No one likes to be told what to do.)
Principle 5: Save face
Even if we are right and the other person dead wrong, we only destroy the ego by causing someone to lose face (more importantly, lose productivity — big time).
Ever heard of a top-notch employee who decides to work for the competitor after losing face at a high-stakes meeting?
(Likes attract. Emotionally challenged bosses don’t deserve highly qualified workers).
“I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man’s dignity is a crime.” (Antoine de Saint-Exupery, the legendary French aviation pioneer)
Lots of insights! Steep learning curves! Live and learn — one day at a time!
Wish me luck! :)
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