Heart-to-Heart Connection

To inspire and be inspired!

Boundaries With Teens — Deception, Defiance, Detachment, Driving, Deity (7/10)

Didn’t know there were so many connections between teens and “D” words!  Here are Dr. John Townsend’s 5 Ds:

  • Deception and LyingWhen deception begins, relationship ends.  Your teen may fear that truth will interfere with love.  Let him know, “I may not agree or like the things you say, but I’m on your side no matter what.”  Encourage your teen to take a risk and have him decide whether or not you walk the talk.  Follow through with logical consequences (e.g., When your teen is out with friends, he must call home often AND have an adult get on the line to verify the call).
  • Defiance — An argumentative teen tests parental boundaries while still respecting parents as their authority figure.  Defiant teens completely reject parental authority.  Solution?  Stand firm.  Provide structure, self-control, respect for authority, delayed gratification, and impulse control.  Give as much freedom as your teen earns.
  • Detachment — Teen withdraws emotionally, anti-family, or he’s spending too much time in the outside world.  Solution?  Validate teen’s emotions, ask why, and solve the problem.  Require respect.  Schedule and structure family time.  Teens aren’t adults.  They need mature, wise parents to model socially acceptable behaviors. 

There’s more:

  • Driving — What great leverage!  Give your teen a sense of gravity of car ownership.  Tell her she can drive as long as her attitude, conduct, and grades are acceptable.  In addition, she can lose the privilege anytime she chooes not to fulfill her obligations.  With privilege come responsibilities.
  • Deity (God and spirituality) — If you believe in higher power, you know God designed humans for relationships.  Let your teen know God cares more about relationship than about keeping score.  Get your teen involved in a healthy youth group.  Insist that your teen join your family in going to worship services.

Whew!  Three more days to go!  Twelve years to implement (for me)!  🙂

 

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September 16, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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