Heart-to-Heart Connection

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Boundaries With Teens — When All Else Fails … (10/10)

A friend once said, “Teens may look and act like they don’t need parents any more but they need you now more than ever.” 

If that’s the case, I’ll be on my toes for the next ten years, trying to (barely) stay one step ahead of my kids.

What are my options when I’m at the end of my rope?

Dr. Townsend imparts his words of wisdom:

1.     Be the Grown Up

  • Keep teen’s future in mind — use current circumstances to equip and prepare your teen for adult life in the real world
  • Be loving but direct
  • Tolerate teen’s anger — As humanly possible, listen, contain your child’s feelings, understand what he is saying, and clarify whether you deserve his anger.
  • Don’t get hooked into fights. — “We’re finished talking about this for now.  I’ll bring this up at another time when you’re not so upset.”

2.    Make Connections

  • When in doubt, connect with your teen — don’t argue.  Make a connection.

3.    Model Respect and Responsibility

  • Deemphasize control — allow your teen to choose and experience consequences.  Allow your child to experience responsibility.
  • Normalize “No.” — Say “no” when it’s in the best interest of your teen.  Help your child get used to reality.
  • Be soft on preferences and style, and hard on disrespect and selfishness — give your teen room to dress differently but be strict about how he treats you and others.

4.    Seek Help and Support

  • HALT — when you’re hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, don’t threaten your teen with consequences.  Wait until you have the support, energy, or the resources you need.
  • Plug into safe people (friends and therapists) who understand — call for support and wisdom right before or after the problem occurs.  Relax.  We deserve it!

Can’t do this alone.  I’m all for mutual support!

Life — it’s a journey!  🙂

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September 26, 2009 - Posted by | Attitude, Body, Book Review, Change, Collaboration, Compassion, Education, Health and Wellness, Heart, Introspection, Purpose, Self Help, Success | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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