Heart-to-Heart Connection

To inspire and be inspired!

Good News About Your Strong-Willed Child: Gaining Respect (7/10)

Which would you honor — obedience or respect?

  • Obedience – “Do it!  I said so!”
  • Respect – good listening + trust + give children two choices you can live with

Respect, bar none!  I can’t make anyone do anything willingly.  You can’t make me, either.

Yet, when under intense stress, I find myself demanding unconditional obedience from my children, not respect.

It’s time to change — to recognize and minimize counterproductive behaviors. 

How, Dr. Reynolds?

  • Respect grows when parents listen instead of just hear.  Value what your child says and attempt to understand his reality and his feelings.  Reflect (“So what you’re saying is …,” “I see you’re …”).
  • Respect requires trust.  A child cannot trust the parent who does not listen.  Personal responsibility and interdependence — each person doing his part to keep the relationship healthy — is essential for building trust.  Hold children accountable.  Communicate with conviction, “You can do it!”                                                                     

Okay, but I need concrete tools.  How do I continue building trust and earning my children’s respect?

  • Talk directly with the person — child or adult — who upsets you rather than to someone else.
  • Too overwhelmed to talk?  Find a neutral third-party to coach you.
  • Child/Parent conflict?  Encourage your child to talk directly to your spouse; not through you.
  • Do not rescue or interfere with your spouse’s parenting, even if you disagree.  Discuss differences privately.  Form a united front.
  • When you discipline, spend one-on-one time with your child.  Secure your bond with him. 

THANK YOU, sir! 

We humans — regardless of education level, status, wealth, or lack thereof — are all equal; messed up emotional creatures! 

Save face.  Discipline with dignity. 

Can’t wait to enjoy my family today! 🙂

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November 8, 2009 - Posted by | Attitude, Book Review, Business, Change, Christianity, Collaboration, Compassion, Education, Freedom, God, Gratitude, Health and Wellness, Heart, Introspection, Journalism, Leadership, Love, Marketing, Marriage, Mind, Passion, Peace, Purpose, Self Help, Spirit, Success | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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