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The Engaging Leader: Winning with Today’s Free Agent Workforce

“People don’t quit their jobs, they quit their bosses.  Skilled people want to work for winning leaders.  Grade A talent wants to work for Grade A leadership.  It won’t settle for less.”

In The Engaging Leader, Dr. Ed Gubman communicates how to draw out employees’ enthusiasm and commitment; how to retain and nurture companies’ most prized and priceless assets — employees:

  • Engaging leaders are drivers and buildersDrivers are decisive decision makers; putting results first, stress the bottom line, and crack the whip (maintaining pressure on accountability and come down hard when goals aren’t met).
  • Builders put people and process first.  Builders are relationship-oriented.  Builders let solutions emerge, take a long-term focus, stay behind the scenes more, and are more positive than critical. (They are, by no means, indecisive.  Builders possess goals and visions.  They rely on natural consequences vs. immediate consequences by an authority).

Engaging leaders know when to be drivers and when to be builders.

Furthermore, Dr. Gubman states, “Employees (talent) want freedom, control, accountability, and caring.” 

  • Freedom — the freedom of expression and the ability to be who you are, not someone you’re not.
  • Control — people enjoy their work when they know what their responsibilities are and have the autonomy to achieve them.  They don’t want to be micromanaged.  Even when what-to-do comes from above, talented employees expect to figure out how to do it themselves.
  • Accountability — giving someone an assignment and holding him or her responsible for delivering results.
  • Caring relationships increase people’s investments in your workplace.  Warm relationships help employees feel connected and will motivate them to work for you — to help you meet your goals.  Employees will confide in personal matters if they feel safe.  They also want some friends in the workplace.

Tough and tender, a loveable task master, realistic optimist … whatever you call it, the intersection of driving and building behaviors is what engages most people. 

Successful leaders learn this in their interactions with people.  They become more versatile, expanding their own styles by taking on some behaviors that are unnatural to them at first, but become second nature as followers reinforce them by responding favorably. 

The ability to incorporate parts of these seeming opposites, like the skill of reconciling group goals and individual needs, will make you an engaging leader and a long-time, big time winner.  (Full Story)

 

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April 11, 2010 Posted by | Attitude, Book Review, Business, Change, Collaboration, Compassion, Dream, Education, Freedom, Fun, Health and Wellness, Heart, Introspection, Leadership, Marketing, Mind, Passion, Peace, Politics, Purpose, Self Help, Soul, Spirit, Spirituality, Success | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hiring Dynamic, Creative, Caring, Ethical Managers!

Here’s an organization to die for — managers who empower employees!  Love to meet this person some day!

CHARACTER

  • Fair, not nice. Managers must make tough decisions. Managers require vision and integrity — the courage to do the right thing. The best working environments are those where employees are treated fairly.  Employees know what is expected and know the consequences of their actions; both good and bad. No favorites, no double standards. Managers are leaders. Managers aren’t friends. Find friendships outside of the workplace.
  • Hire people who are smarter than you. Smart employees will help you succeed. They will make you look good. Establish the objectives and let them do their jobs. Don’t micromanage. Don’t be jealous. Don’t hold them back. Listen to their ideas. Your employees may know more than you.
  • Take calculated risks. Risk taking is part of management. “No decision” is a decision.  “No decision” will frustrate employees. You will lose respect. Do your homework.  Trust your gut. It’s usually right.
  • Never fire anyone when angry. Anger is a strong emotion. Emotion obstructs rational thinking. A cool head leads to logical thought — the right time for decision making.

TEAM BUILDING

  • Create a team of mentors. Find people who are capable of helping;  willing to help you succeed. Mentors watch out for your interests.  They understand your goals.
  • Encourage disagreements, discussions, and debates. “Two heads are better than one.” Go with the best solution, not always your solution; otherwise, you may be out of a job.
  • Know how to manage different personalities. Learn how to communicate with your employees. Different people react differently to discussions; some you can be direct with, others require more tact. Personality profiles can help match a person to a specific job.

COMMUNICATION

  • Clear expectations. Clearly communicate employee’s responsibilities and manager’s expectations. Perceptions vary. Success begins with everyone on the same page.
  • Know the desired outcome of the resolution. What is the best possible solution? Be rational. With the desired outcome in mind, determine the necessary steps to reach the goal.
  • Confront bad issues immediately. Bad situations don’t go away. They only get worse. Immediately talk to the offender. Communicate, “This cannot happen again.”
  • Praise in public. Punish in private. Humans are emotional, not rational. Save face.
  • Say “Thank You.” Your success is dependent on your team members’ success. Say “thank you” and sincerely appreciate their hard work. They are your support structure. Without them, you may not survive. Saying “thank you” is one of the easiest and most appreciated actions.  (Full Story) 

March 28, 2010 Posted by | America, Art, Attitude, Business, Change, Collaboration, Compassion, Dream, Education, Gratitude, Health and Wellness, Introspection, Leadership, Mind, Purpose, Self Help, Success | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Good News About Your Strong-Willed Child: Firm Foundation. Don’t Rescue. Get A Life. (10/10)

It’s natural for parents to become overly involved in their children.  Family is important; however, when parents look for their identity needs to be met in their children — meaning, purpose, challenge, and joy — family friction and codependency take over healthy family dynamics.  (Dr. Randy Reynolds, Child Psychologist)

In other words, parents, don’t live through your child.  Get a life.  Work on issues, challenges, dreams, goals . . . Hmm . . . Much easier said than done. 

Taking risks, changing, (possible) failure . . . they CAN be scary.  It’s easier to blame someone else (e.g., a strong-willed child) for life’s difficulties than own up to our deficiencies.

But life’s lessons we choose to ignore will resurface until we learn.  Do we learn now, later, or never?

Healthy parents, healthy kids — happiness!

I want to LIVE my life; my goals.  I want my family, too! 

Gonna get ’em all! 

CHARGE!!!  🙂

 

November 15, 2009 Posted by | Attitude, Book Review, Business, Change, Collaboration, Compassion, Dream, Education, Freedom, God, Gratitude, Health and Wellness, Heart, Introspection, Leadership, Love, Marketing, Marriage, Mind, Passion, Peace, Purpose, Self Help, Success | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Good News About Your Strong-Willed Child: Building Positive Dynamics (9/10)

How would you describe your family dynamics?  Critical, achievement-oriented, efficient?  Warm, secure, caring, stimulating?

Which would you prefer?  Which would you strive towards?

The latter, most likely.  We all thrive in warm and caring environment — children, especially.

So, how do we get there?

  • Meet Needs—Give attention, security, a sense of belonging, touch, affection, and stimulation.
  • Know Your Child—Play!  Be a good listener.  Spend deep, quality time.  Enjoy your child(ren).
  • Believe in Your Child—By doing so, parents provide opportunity and courage for her to fulfill your new, positive expectations.
  • Allow Independence—Teach your child to think and take personal responsibility.
  • Remain Calm and Detached—Empty ourselves of anger, resentment, fear, and guilt.

Here are concepts in action:

Child:    I got a bad evaluation from the teacher today.  If she was any good, I’d ace this class! (Negative invitation)

Parent: So she’s good at preventing her students from learning?

Child:    Well, she doesn’t help me learn!

Parent: So what would help you learn and do well in her class?  (Positive invitation/Problem-solve)

Child:    I don’t know, maybe a tutor.  (Response)

Parent: We could find a tutor for that class, but what about missed assignments?

Child:    Yeah, I’ve missed some.  I’ll finish them.

As always, thanks Dr. Reynolds!  🙂

 

November 14, 2009 Posted by | Attitude, Book Review, Business, Change, Christianity, Collaboration, Compassion, Education, God, Gratitude, Health and Wellness, Heart, Introspection, Leadership, Love, Marriage, Mind, Peace, Purpose, Self Help, Spirit, Success | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Good News About Your Strong-Willed Child: Achieving Emotional Stability (8/10)

“Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie.”  (Robert Ebert)

Do you agree or disagree?

We can’t take our emotions for granted.  They govern our behavior, even when we don’t realize it.  Immature families, especially when under stress, communicate that feelings are wrong.  Family members react to each other.  The overriding message is, “You shouldn’t feel what you’re feeling.”  (Dr. Randy Reynolds, child psychologist)

I hear ya!  Emotions—especially strong ones—intensify and magnify issues.  Emotions, at times, finger point—”It’s your fault, not mine!”  

“Emotions, however, when handled appropriately, can promote positive change.”  (Dr. Reynolds)

Really?  How?

  • Empathize.  Validate your child’s feelings but stand firm on your decision: “It sounds like you’re frustrated because I won’t let you wear jeans today.  I know that’s hard for you, but I’m not going to change my mind.”
  • Discipline, don’t punish.  Discipline is patient and goal-oriented; punishment is motivated by anger or reactivity.

 What else?

  • Affirm, acknowledge, respect, create a sense of belonging, and appreciate each other.  Full emotional tanks give members room to express themselves.  Relax.  Enjoy simple pleasures.
  • As families mature, they shame each other less; respond to each other more.  They listen to others without reacting.  They assert without antagonizing.  Families set realistic expectations.  They know they’re interdependent, and flex with the normal stresses of life.

“Learn to own your feelings.  Don’t blame others when you communicate.  Begin sentences with ‘I’ messages, not ‘you’.” . . . “‘I feel . . . when . . .’

Empathize, affirm, discipline, “I” messages—Thanks Dr. Reynolds! 🙂

 

November 13, 2009 Posted by | Attitude, Book Review, Business, Change, Christianity, Collaboration, Compassion, Education, God, Gratitude, Health and Wellness, Heart, Introspection, Leadership, Love, Marriage, Mind, Passion, Peace, Purpose, Self Help, Spirit, Success | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Good News About Your Strong-Willed Child: Gaining Respect (7/10)

Which would you honor — obedience or respect?

  • Obedience – “Do it!  I said so!”
  • Respect – good listening + trust + give children two choices you can live with

Respect, bar none!  I can’t make anyone do anything willingly.  You can’t make me, either.

Yet, when under intense stress, I find myself demanding unconditional obedience from my children, not respect.

It’s time to change — to recognize and minimize counterproductive behaviors. 

How, Dr. Reynolds?

  • Respect grows when parents listen instead of just hear.  Value what your child says and attempt to understand his reality and his feelings.  Reflect (“So what you’re saying is …,” “I see you’re …”).
  • Respect requires trust.  A child cannot trust the parent who does not listen.  Personal responsibility and interdependence — each person doing his part to keep the relationship healthy — is essential for building trust.  Hold children accountable.  Communicate with conviction, “You can do it!”                                                                     

Okay, but I need concrete tools.  How do I continue building trust and earning my children’s respect?

  • Talk directly with the person — child or adult — who upsets you rather than to someone else.
  • Too overwhelmed to talk?  Find a neutral third-party to coach you.
  • Child/Parent conflict?  Encourage your child to talk directly to your spouse; not through you.
  • Do not rescue or interfere with your spouse’s parenting, even if you disagree.  Discuss differences privately.  Form a united front.
  • When you discipline, spend one-on-one time with your child.  Secure your bond with him. 

THANK YOU, sir! 

We humans — regardless of education level, status, wealth, or lack thereof — are all equal; messed up emotional creatures! 

Save face.  Discipline with dignity. 

Can’t wait to enjoy my family today! 🙂

November 8, 2009 Posted by | Attitude, Book Review, Business, Change, Christianity, Collaboration, Compassion, Education, Freedom, God, Gratitude, Health and Wellness, Heart, Introspection, Journalism, Leadership, Love, Marketing, Marriage, Mind, Passion, Peace, Purpose, Self Help, Spirit, Success | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Good News About Your Strong-Willed Child: Raising the Healthy Individual (6/10)

Which types of parents raised you — the overprotective Rescuer who assumes too much responsibility, or the Reactor; critical, under-involved, and the distant?

Child psychologist, Dr. Randy Reynolds states, “Both Rescuers and Reactors present strategies for failed parenting.”  No wonder I’m screwed!  My mother was a Rescuer, my father, a Reactor.  I was raised by both!

So how did I learn (and continue to learn) what my parents failed to teach me? 

SOCIETY — the school of hard knocks!

I want more for my two sons — way more.  With my husband, I want to work on creating healthy family dynamics and healthy individuals.

When parents succeed in creating individuals, their children will be:

  • Cooperative
  • Compassionate
  • Maintain relationships even during tough times
  • Take care of themselves without imposing on others
  • Live with convictions
  • Willing to suffer discomfort to accomplish personal goals
  • Define who they are without succumbing to peer pressure                       (Dr. Reynolds)

Compassionate, hardworking, problem-solver/life-long learners . . . the character traits I wish for my kids.

SO, what are my husband and I to do? . . .

Dr. Reynolds to the rescue!

  • Communicate clear expectations.  Help children reach their potential.
  • Allow children to take risks.  
  • Set realistic but challenging expectations for your children.  Help them push through their doubts as they move from incompetence to competence.
  • Hold children accountable for their responsibilities.  Empower them to grow.
  • Validate your children.  Make them feel important.
  • Parents ought to focus on their own goals, well-being, and self-definition.  Don’t live through your child.  Children are not extensions of their parents.
  • Pray for your children.

Whew!  So much to understand, internalize, and apply . . . for me, anyway. 

Better late than never!  One step, one moment, one day at a time! 

Enjoy parenting!  Enjoy life!  🙂

November 7, 2009 Posted by | Attitude, Book Review, Change, Christianity, Collaboration, Compassion, Education, God, Health and Wellness, Heart, Introspection, Leadership, Love, Marriage, Mind, Peace, Purpose, Self Help, Spirit, Success | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Good News About Your Strong-Willed Child: Finding the Balance (5/10)

What kind of home do you strive to create; family relationships based on justice, mercy, or grace?

  • justice–you get what you deserve
  • mercy–you don’t get what you deserve (a policeman pulls me over for speeding but doesn’t give me a ticket)
  • grace–you get what you don’t deserve (the policeman gives me a $100 bill)

Grace sounds great, especially when I’m the recipient!

What if I was the giver, the parent, the one in charge?  

Child psychologist, Dr. Randy Reynolds recommends grace, bar none!

Law-oriented families focus on goals and standards (like the workplace).  Grace promotes relationships (yeah!).  Grace enables you to accept the way things are and trust God for the way things should be.  In the grace-based home, warmth and excitement are everyday experiences.

Dr. Reynolds, how can I get there?

  • Validate your child’s feelings instead of resisting them.  Empathize.  Be affectionate and loving when your child is upset.  
  • Every relationship has an emotional account.  When you deposit into the account by spending time with your child, you can draw from it without penalty.
  • Spend time listening to your child in order to understand her behavior.  Find out where she’s coming from.
  • Explain how people must learn to follow if they want to lead.  Recommend biographies.  Look for teachable moments.  Praise her when she successfully yields.
  • Maintain a sense of humor.

I must remember my strong-willed child’s strengths.  He is honest.  He often sees himself outside of the family system and its values, and sees the family dynamics clearly.  He is NOT shy about saying what’s on his mind. 

I’ve also heard, conforming children sometimes grow up with less moral courage than their more difficult children (yes, the ones who, right or wrong, wouldn’t dare rock the boat.  YUK! YUK!  TRIPLE YUK!!! SPINELESS WHIMPS!!!) 

 I LOVE my strong-willed child!

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference . . . Amen!  🙂

November 3, 2009 Posted by | Art, Attitude, Book Review, Business, Change, Christianity, Collaboration, Compassion, Education, Freedom, God, Gratitude, Health and Wellness, Heart, Introspection, Leadership, Love, Marriage, Mind, Passion, Peace, Purpose, Self Help, Spirit, Success | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Good News About Your Strong Willed Child: Creating a Positive Family Atmosphere (4/10)

I can’t change my circumstance so I’m going to have to change . . . especially around my strong-willed child — my effervescent seven-year-old!

The strong-willed child often sets the tone of the family — in mine, at least — if  I let him.  At the same time, the strong-willed child may simply be expressing the anxiety or unhappiness everyone is feeling.  He reflects the family’s tension and discomfort.  (Dr. Randy Reynolds, child psychologist)

So what’s a parent to do?

  • Healthy families recognize and validate individual effort.  Combine compliments with effective love.  Focus on and encourage individual’s strengths.
  • Discuss one issue.  Together, work towards problem-solving.  (“Dinner will be served at 6:00.  If you’re late, you won’t eat with us.  The mother includes family members’ suggestions.  She doesn’t argue.  She takes charge.)
  • Work toward family atmosphere comprising warmth, relaxation, humor, responsiveness, flexibility, order, safety, love, closeness, honesty, and harmony.

Relax!  “Live, love, laugh!” 

Sounds like a plan! 🙂

November 2, 2009 Posted by | Attitude, Book Review, Change, Christianity, Collaboration, Compassion, Education, God, Health and Wellness, Heart, Introspection, Peace, Purpose, Self Help, Success | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Good News About Your Strong-Willed Child: Building Parental Authority (3/10)

Spare the rod, spoil the child. (Proverbs 13:24)

He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.  (Proverbs 28:23)

No one said parenting (and family relationships) would be easy.  It’s time to face my reality; face the music.

Dr. Randy Reynolds shares his words of wisdom:

  • The key to a safe family environment is to establish authority and hold the line when it’s challenged
  • Parents are to use authority to create order, place restraints, and to create a safe home environment for every family member.  Endure your child’s short-term disapproval for long-term respect (remain consistent; grow a spine)
  • Make requests, give commands, follow through, be just and fair, be honest, express anger appropriately, trust God (His wisdom), utilize logical and natural consequences, establish clear boundaries, allow other authorities to play a corrective role (whew!)

Parental authority must be firm to be effective; loving in order to be good.

Can’t wait to be all grown up — someday!  🙂

November 1, 2009 Posted by | Attitude, Book Review, Change, Compassion, Education, God, Health and Wellness, Heart, Introspection, Leadership, Love, Marriage, Mind, Peace, Purpose, Self Help, Spirit | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment