Heart-to-Heart Connection

To inspire and be inspired!

What is self esteem anyway?

While it may be intangible, self-esteem is not invisible.  It’s easy to spot people who have high self-esteem by their behavior.  Chances are, the people you most like being with possess it in abundance.  These people are frequently described as “gracious” and “thoughtful,” which make them desirable as friends.  They love and care for themselves, but they are not arrogant.  They have compassion for others, which rise out of their compassion for themselves. 

Since a few of us accidentally arrive at a place of healthy self-esteem, these folks may be constantly aware of their own struggles to achieve and their ongoing effort to nurture it.  Their curiosity and interest in others lead them to be excellent listeners, another magnetic quality.  In addition, they have an elevated sense of personal responsibility; they rarely blame others for their problems or misfortunes.  They may have a passionate desire to contribute to society. 

Whether they say it or not, those with high self-esteem frequently have a sense of mission in their lives that others lack.  Knowing their own worth gives them a profound sense that they are here for some purpose, which, in turn, shows itself in reverence for life.  

Forward-thinking, they are aware that all past experiences in their lives have helped to mold their character.  Even when their lives have seemed difficult, you’ll hear them say, “I wouldn’t change a thing.”  They have a strong aura of integrity and truthfulness about them, but they are truly sensitive to the feelings of others.  People with high self-esteem don’t have the need to say everything that’s on their minds. 

The bonus you receive for hanging out with these folks is that in their presence you feel safe and accepted just as you are.  In fact, when you leave them you may find that you like yourself a bit more.  (Full Story)

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April 3, 2010 Posted by | Attitude, Beauty, Book Review, Business, Compassion, Education, God, Gratitude, Health and Wellness, Leadership, Passion, Peace, Purpose, Self Help, Soul, Spirit, Stress | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dale Carnegie’s “Twelve Ways to Persuade”– Place Others First (VII)

Sounds simple enough … in head-knowledge, anyway.  If I could do this 24/7, especially amidst adversity, I will see a halo over my head.

Certainly not yet but I sure can try.

(7) Principle 7: How to get cooperation — Let others believe your ideas are theirs

Make suggestions.  Let others think they reached your conclusion.  People don’t want to be told what to do.  There’s more enthusiasm and buy-in when people are consulted:

A salesman for an x-ray manufacturer sold his equipment to one of the largest hospitals in Brooklyn.  How?  By seeking his potential customer’s suggestion and thoughts on product-development and improvement!

(The salesman didn’t tout his horn or force his ideas on his customer.  Smart guy — a well deserved sale!)

(8) The magic formula: Try to see the situation from others’ perspectives

The glass is always half full.  People respond favorably to warmth and encouragement; never to harsh actions and criticisms.

(Right on Mr. Carnegie!  You and Aesop understand human nature so well!)

(9) Empathize with others’ ideas and desires.

Three-fourths of the people you’ll meet are hungering and thirsting for empathy.  Give it to them.  They will love you:

A manger of an elevator-escalator company persuades a leading hotel manager to shutdown his escalator for a few hours.  The first manager suggests, “I know your hotel is quite busy and understand your concern.  We would like to keep the escalator shutdown to a minimum.  Our diagnosis of the situation, however, shows that if we don’t complete the job now, your escalator may suffer more serious damage resulting in inconveniencing your guests for several days.”

(Fill a need!  Let people know “what’s in it for them.”  Love your insights, Mr. Carnegie!)

Last but not least, the chapter concludes with a 2500-year-old Chinese wisdom:

The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them.  Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams.  So the sage, wishing to be above men, put himself below them; wishing to be before them, he put himself behind them.  Thus though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight; though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury.

Truth — universal, eternal, supreme.  🙂

July 13, 2009 Posted by | Art, Asia, Attitude, Beauty, Book Review, Business, Change, Collaboration, Compassion, Dream, Education, Finance, Freedom, God, Health and Wellness, Heart, History, International, Introspection, Journalism, Leadership, Love, Marketing, Mind, Passion, Peace, People, Politics, Purpose, Self Help, Soul, Spirit, Spirituality, Success | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dale Carnegie’s “Twelve Ways to Persuade”– Empathize, Ask Questions, Listen (VI)

If someone told you to take a hike, what would you do?  Would you turn the other cheek?

Me?  Not a chance … unless I was an actress reading a script!  An eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth — BRING IT ON BABY!

But where does that get me?  Not resolution.  Bridges burned — at the speed of lightening, that’s for sure. 

Searching for a win-win solution?

(4) Principle 4: Begin in a friendly manner

Mr. Straub successfully negotiated his rent with his landlord.  How?  Unlike the other tenants, who complained and criticized, Mr. Straub met his landlord with good will and enthusiasm.  He commented on how the landlord ran the building and would like to stay another year but couldn’t afford it.  The landlord immediately offered to lower the rent.

Problem-solve with the friendly, appreciative, empathetic approach! (Yes, Mr. Carnegie!)

(5) Principle 5: Get the other person to agree

Did Socrates tell people they were wrong?  No, he was wise.  He asked questions where the opponent would have to agree; getting the “Yes” responses.  Respect, empathize, listen, help the other party think and decide. For example, here’s a story of a bank customer who refused to give out certain information when opening his account:

Banker: “The information you chose not to disclose is unnecessary … however, suppose you have money in this bank at your death.  Wouldn’t you like to have the bank transfer it to your next of kin, the person entitled to it according to law?

Customer: “Yes, of course.”

Banker: “Don’t you think it would be a good idea to give us the name of your next of kin so that, in the event of your death, we could carry out your wishes correctly?”

The young man’s attitude softened and changed when he realized that we weren’t asking this information for our sake but for his sake.

Now why didn’t I think of this?! … Because my name isn’t Socrates! (But I’ll sure try asking the right questions.  Thanks Mr. Carnegie!)

(6) Principle 6: Handling complaints — Listen.  Let others do the talking.

The majority who try to persuade talk too much.  Listen.  Let others talk.  Let them tell you a few things.  Make others feel important.  Don’t stir envy.

Henrietta was good at her job but for the first few months, she had no friends.  Why?  She bragged about her accomplishments.  The tables turned when she began listening and let her associates share their accomplishments.  Now, Henrietta listens to others’ joys and mentions her achievements only when asked.

(Smart lady.)

A teenage girl rebelled against her overbearing mother — until the mother stopped talking and began to listen.  The daughter expressed her thoughts, feelings, and her confusion about growing up.  The mother/daughter relationship improved when the mother began to listen.

(I have a preteen son.  I will take your advice to heart, Mr. Carnegie!)

Thoughts?

Tomorrow, we’ll discuss:

  1. How to get cooperation
  2. A formula that will work wonders for you
  3. What everybody wants

Stay tuned! 🙂

July 12, 2009 Posted by | Art, Attitude, blogging tips, Book Review, Business, Change, Collaboration, Compassion, Education, Finance, Freedom, Gratitude, Health and Wellness, Heart, Introspection, Journalism, Leadership, Love, Marketing, Mind, Passion, Peace, Politics, Purpose, Self Help, Soul, Spirit, Spirituality, Success | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dale Carnegie’s “Twelve Ways to Persuade” — Blow Off Steam or Problem-Solve? (V)

After 43-years on this planet, I’ve learned — often the hard way — that the lessons I choose not to learn will reoccur until I do.  SO … no more blame games.

Stop growing and die or change and thrive!  I choose the latter!

Do you simply want to blow off steam or do you want to problem-solve?

If you answered, “Problem Solve,” read on.

Dale Carnegie shares his expertise on the art of persuasion — twelve in all.  (You’ll have to bear with me.  Don’t care to experience information overload.  I’ll share three insights per day):

  1. You can’t win an argument — avoid it.
  2. Don’t make enemies.  Show respect for other person’s opinions.  Never say, “You’re wrong.”
  3. If you’re wrong, admit it.

(1)  You can’t win an argument — avoid it. (Mr. Carnegie, had I only read your book sooner!  But then, perhaps I wasn’t ready until I fell on my face a few dozen times and realized, “What I’m doing isn’t working.  I have to change.”)

You can’t win an argument.  You lose it, you lose it; if you win it, you lose it.  Why?  If you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove him wrong, you’ll feel fine but you’ve made him feel inferior.  You’ve hurt his pride.  He’ll resent your triumph.  And … a man convinced against his will is a same man still.  Avoid the argument, change the subject, and give him appreciation.

(Right, Mr. Carnegie.  Especially politics and religion — they’re off limits — unless individuals share similar views.)

(2)  Don’t make enemies.  Show respect for other person’s opinions.  Never say, “You’re wrong.”

(So true.  Who wants to be told they’re wrong? — Especially those higher ups on the corporate ladder.  If you work for a humble, knowledgeable, caring boss — leader of leaders with a great big heart, let us know.  It’s always eye-opening to learn about the lives of inspirational role models!)

We sometimes find ourselves changing our minds without any resistance or heavy emotion, but if we’re told we’re wrong, we resent the comment and harden our hearts. Obviously, it’s not the ideas themselves that are dear to us, but our self-esteem which is threatened.

(So then, Mr. Carnegie, how do we promote change?  Response … “Let others believe it’s their idea.” Hmm … can’t wait to learn more.  Details to come in the next few days.)

(3)  If you’re wrong, admit it. If we know we’re going to be rebuked, isn’t it far better to beat the other person to it and do it ourselves?  Isn’t it much easier to listen to self-criticism than to bear condemnation from alien lips — say them before others have a chance.  More likely than not, a generous, forgiving attitude will be taken and your mistakes will be minimized.

(I once saw this in action … I gave the woman a silent standing ovation! …  A dedicated Sunday School teacher was late on church’s cleaning day.  The pastor’s “perfect” wife was ready to chew her out.  The teacher calmly walked in and said, “I’m so incredibly disorganized and so out of it.  I just couldn’t get my four little ones out the door in time.  I’m SO ashamed.”  … The teacher took the wind right out of the “perfect” pastor’s wife.  Wise woman — YOU GO GIRL!)

  1. You can’t win an argument — avoid it.
  2. Don’t make enemies.  Show respect for other person’s opinions.  Never say, “You’re wrong.”
  3. If you’re wrong, admit it.

The distance between the head and the heart is one foot AND eternity. (Unknown)

Couldn’t agree more!  Love my head-knowledge to drop down a foot and become heart-knowledge.  It’ll happen … someday!

Wish me luck!

Thoughts? 🙂

July 11, 2009 Posted by | Attitude, Book Review, Business, Change, Collaboration, Compassion, Education, Finance, Freedom, Gratitude, Health and Wellness, Heart, Introspection, Leadership, Love, Marketing, Marriage, Mind, Peace, Politics, Purpose, Self Help, Soul, Spirit, Spirituality, Success | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dale Carnegie’s “Six Ways to Connect With People” (IV)

Yesterday, we discussed three ways to connect with people:

  1. Become genuinely interested in others
  2. Smile
  3. Say the person’s name often

Today, we’ll talk about Dale Carnegie’s three additional insights on relationship-building:

  1. Be a good listener.  Encourage others to talk about themselves
  2. Talk about other person’s interests
  3. Make the other person feel important — be sincere

(1) Be a good listener — remember, the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems.  A person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine in China killing millions.  A boil on one’s neck interests the person more than forty earthquakes in Africa.

(I agree, for the most part; however, people also enjoy a stimulating discussion on world affairs.  Bottom line, “be a good listener.”)

(2) Talk about other person’s interests — Learn the other person’s interest and ask questions — the quickest way to build rapport and relationships!

(Right on!  However, don’t fire questions like a machine gun.  I once had a person do this to me. The experience haunts me to this day.  I thought she was my friend, not an interrogator.)

(3) Make the other person feel important. Be sincere. — The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts are to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize them sincerely.

(Love, warmth, genuine interest — sounds like a plan!)

Thoughts? 🙂

July 8, 2009 Posted by | Attitude, Book Review, Business, Change, Collaboration, Compassion, Education, Freedom, Gratitude, Health and Wellness, Heart, Introspection, Journalism, Leadership, Love, Marketing, Marriage, Mind, Passion, Peace, People, Politics, Purpose, Self Help, Soul, Spirit, Spirituality, Success | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dale Carnegie’s “Six Ways to Connect With People” (III)

How to Win Friends & Influence People is an eye opener!  Practical, timeless classic on human relations — no wonder the book is celebrating its 70 years in print, not to mention 15 million copies strong!

Today, we’ll look at three of the six ways to build rapport with others (we’ll go over the rest tomorrow).

Dale Carnegie advises:

  1. Become genuinely interested in other people
  2. Smile
  3. Say the person’s name often

(1) Become genuinely interested in other people — if we want to make friends, let’s greet people with animation and enthusiasm.  People are not interested in you or me.  They are interested in themselves — morning, noon, and after dinner.

(Sharp insights, Mr. Carnegie.  No wonder your book sells!)

(2) Smile — Everybody in the world is seeking happiness.  Preserve a right mental attitude — courage, frankness, and good cheer.

(Yep, we are our thoughts!)

(3) Say the person’s name often.  To the person, it’s the sweetest and most important sound in any language — Franklin Delano Roosevelt knew that one of the simplest, most obvious, and most important ways of gaining good will was by remembering names and making people feel important — yet how many of us do it?

(Ooh, I am so guilty of this.  I will change.)

  1. Become genuinely interested in other people
  2. Smile
  3. Say the person’s name often

Gotcha, Mr. Carnegie!

Thoughts? 🙂

July 7, 2009 Posted by | Attitude, Book Review, Business, Change, Collaboration, Compassion, Education, Gratitude, Heart, Introspection, Leadership, Love, Marketing, Marriage, Mind, Passion, Peace, People, Politics, Purpose, Self Help, Spirit, Success | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dale Carnegie’s Three Fundamental Techniques in Handling People (II)

The master of interpersonal-relations had this to say:

  1. Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
  2. Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.
  3. Principle 3: Arouse and fill a need.

Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.  Why?

  • When dealing with people, we’re not dealing with creatures of logic.  We are dealing with creatures of emotion; creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
  • As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation. (Hans Seyle)
  • Wrongdoers blame everybody but themselves.  The person we’re going to condemn and correct will probably justify him or herself, and condemn us in return.

(Ouch!  I hope I haven’t made more enemies than I already know … oh well, live and learn.  There’s always a fine line between kissing up and standing up for what one believes.  Oh no!!  Is my fragile ego getting defensive?!)

Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.

  • The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.
  • Ways to bring out the best in people are appreciation and encouragement.  Criticisms from superiors kill employees’ ambitions.  I never criticize anyone.  I lavish them with approval and praise.  (Charles Schwab)
  • The difference between appreciation and flattery?  One is sincere; the other, insincere.  One comes from the heart out; the other, from the teeth out.  One is selfish; the other, unselfish.  One is universally admired; the other, universally condemned.
  • Try leaving a friendly trail and little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips.  You’ll be surprised how they will set small flames of friendship that will become rose beacons in your life!

(Yes, flattery is not a way to gain friendship.  Even I can smell the B.S. a mile away!)

Principle 3: Arouse and fill a need.

  • The world is full of self-seeking manipulators.  Service-oriented individuals are rare and have an enormous advantage — little competition.  “People who can put themselves in others’ shoes, who can understand the working of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them” (Owen D. Young — a prominent corporate lawyer)
  • Strive for a win-win situation.  Each party should gain from the opportunity.

(Arouse and fill a need — I can’t think of a good example so I’ll share Dale Carnegie’s.)

Andrew Carnegie’s sister-in-law was worried sick over her two sons at Yale.  The boys simply neglected to write home.  Andrew Carnegie wrote his nephews a chatty letter, mentioning casually in a postscript that he was sending each one a five-dollar bill.  Obviously, he didn’t enclose the bill …

Guess what?!  Back came letters thanking “Dear Uncle Andrew” for his kind note and … You can finish the rest.

(Arouse and fill the need — delayed gratification, of course!  Appreciation is much greater!)

In a nutshell, successful relationship comprise:

  • Acceptance
  • Honesty and sincerity
  • Appreciation and encouragement
  • Find and fill the need

*****

The next two days, we’ll think about Six Ways to Make People Like You

(Honestly, I have a problem with this title because no one can MAKE another human being do anything willingly.  People like you because they want to, not because they have to).

I don’t know about you, but there’s so much to digest, my head and heart are about to explode!

“The great aim of education is not knowledge but action.” (Herbert Spencer)

Mr. Spencer, you are SO RIGHT ON!

Thoughts? 🙂

July 6, 2009 Posted by | Attitude, Book Review, Business, Change, Christianity, Collaboration, Compassion, Education, Freedom, Gratitude, Heart, Introspection, Leadership, Love, Marketing, Marriage, Mind, Passion, Peace, Politics, Purpose, Self Help, Success | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dale Carnegie on “The Art of Leadership” (I)

Stumbled upon Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends & Influence People; a very timely resource and much needed wisdom for individuals like myself — a life-long learner of diplomacy and tact.

“When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” (Unknown)

I am SO READY!!  Time for wisdom!  Time for growth!! Time for CHANGE!!!!! (LOVE THIS WORD — CHANGE)!

How about you?

There is strength in numbers.  More fun, too, when we learn together.  Care to join the journey?  🙂

Written in 1936, HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE, has sold more than 15 million copies and is still going STRONG.

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS & INFLUENCE PEOPLE will show us:

  • Six ways to build rapport
  • Twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking
  • Nine ways to change people without arousing resentment (etc., etc.)

In the next ten days, I’ll summarize and share my thoughts on each chapter.  I’d appreciate your input!  We learn so much more by exchanging ideas and experiences!

Stay tuned! 🙂

July 5, 2009 Posted by | Art, Attitude, Business, Change, Collaboration, Compassion, Education, Introspection, Journalism, Leadership, Marketing, Mind, Passion, Peace, Politics, Purpose, Self Help, Soul, Spirit, Spirituality, Success | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Heroes Among Us

Heroes inspire us to become our best. Who is your hero? Twenty share their words of wisdom:

Attitude

  • Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence – is the key to unlocking our potential (Winston Churchill)
  • Adversity introduces a man to himself. (Anonymous)
  • There is always enough time for courtesy. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
  • Excellence is to do a common thing in an uncommon way. (Booker T. Washington)
  • The time is always right to do what is right. (Martin Luther King, Jr.)

Bravery

  • The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who do nothing. (Albert Einstein)
  • True heroism is not the urge to surpass others, but the urge to serve others at all cost. (Arthur Ashe)
  • Bravery is the ability to perform when scared to death. (General Omar Bradley)
  • A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles. (Christopher Reeve)

Business

  • Management is doing things right; Leadership is doing the right things. (Peter Drucker)

Leadership

  • Parents are not a people to lean on but those who empower; to make leaning unnecessary. (Dorothy Canfield Fisher)
  • To the world you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world. (Anonymous)
  • If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader. (John Quincy Adams)

Religion

  • There is no higher religion than human service. To work for the common good is the greatest creed. (Woodrow Wilson)
  • Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. (Dalai Lama)
  • Like the body that is made up of different limbs and organs, all moral creatures must depend on each other to exist. (Hindu Proverb)

Service

  • The welfare of each is bound up in the welfare of all. (Helen Keller)
  • Nothing liberates our greatness like the desire to help. (Marianne Williamson)
  • You have not lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you. (Anonymous)
  • The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others. (Mahatma Gandhi)

Full Story Here


January 17, 2009 Posted by | Attitude, Christianity, Collaboration, Compassion, Education, Heart, Leadership, Love, Passion, Peace, People, Soul, Spirit, Spirituality | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment